If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
