he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
