I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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