Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
