he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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