I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
