I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
