I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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