What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
