or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
