On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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