They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
