Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
