So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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