I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
