if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
