Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
