i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Operation Purity has been aborted
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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