Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize