So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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