umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
