Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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