I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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