im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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