I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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