I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
