what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
