she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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