hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
