I wish I could punch you in the face.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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