OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
