I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
