Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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