Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
