I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
