I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
