There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
