i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
