dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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