What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
