You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
