Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just cropdusted the office
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My penis needs a shock collar
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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