Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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