you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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