When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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