Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
