No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
