I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
