I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
