I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize