Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
