Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
