the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
