whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This baby is an asshole
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
