Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
