Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
