Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?

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(765): View more from Indiana

4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.

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(785): View more from Kansas

That reminds me...we need to get swords

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(516): View more from New York

i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.

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(928): View more from Arizona

note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

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(703): View more from Virginia

Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.

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(602): View more from Arizona

After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.

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(518): View more from New York

Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.

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