I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
