oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
