where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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