I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
