eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
