She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
