shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
