I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
