hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he thought i was a dude.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
